Got a toothbrush?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
