i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
