You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
