They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
