She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
