i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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