best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
