Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
