totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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