Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
