I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
