Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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