just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
