My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
