I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
