The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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