I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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