it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
