Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
