How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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