It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
