So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
