Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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