i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
When are your genitals available?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
