There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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