just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well I just put wine in my tea
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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