24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
