scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We're too hungover to prance.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
