I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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