All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Are we still banned from the library?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I want to fling myself into the sun
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
