You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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