I will die if light touches me.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
