two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
