I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
