I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
