so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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