My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
