4 words: hood of his car
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
