So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
