Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
