Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
