I think I died a long time ago.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
