Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
