Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
