I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
