I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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