theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
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so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
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So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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