btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
