Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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