the condom got lost in my hair
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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