her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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