I need to stop coming to work sober
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
