perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
