Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
