A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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