I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
