and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
