he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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