I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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