Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
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Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
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He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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