Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
