I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
bring money and cleavage
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
