Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
