i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
