Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
