i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
