Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
