If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Can I color on your dick again?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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