dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
