Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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