Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
