I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
