i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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