we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
