You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
