he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
