If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
