Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
