a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
